


Kuroo is a little shit, and I'm projecting on Kenma

by eliza_grey276



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Little Shit, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28908699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliza_grey276/pseuds/eliza_grey276
Summary: Kenma and Kuroo have been dating for a while. In secret. And Kuroo, the menace he is, is going to take full advantage of this situation.Alternatively: Kuroo makes Kenma tell Yamamoto about his "girlfriend" because he thinks it's funny. And it is.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 9
Kudos: 137





	1. Goddamn Kuroo

“What are you smiling at Kuroo? Ya got a date or something?” Yamamoto questioned, attempting to peer over his friend’s shoulder. 

Kuroo chuckled, and Kenma allowed himself to feel some disappointment in the fact that it wasn’t the hyena laugh he had come to love. 

I’m allowed to like him now he thought smugly, and he felt his own lips twitch up in a grin. Kuroo caught it and winked- actually winked at him. What a total nerd.

Still, he had to bite his cheek a bit to keep from exposing his teeth in a matching smile. Goddamn you Kuroo. 

And of course, Kuroo Tetsuro being Kuroo Tetsuro, caught Kenma's joy and milked it for all it was worth. His beautiful smile shifted into that familiar shit-eating grin, and all Kenma could think was, 'Oh no. I’m in for it now. Damn Kuroo.' 

Well that and the fact that the grin was kinda hot, but who really needed to know that extra fact? 

No, Kenma thought as his shithead of a boyfriend caused him trouble on purpose, just to aggravate him, Kuroo definitely did not need to know that extra fact. 

“Something like that,” Kuroo finally replied, nudging Kenma a little, after endless prodding from his friends (Yamamoto). 

“Like what?”

“Like I’m in a relationship,” The grin was back, and Kenma could feel an oncoming headache like a premonition. 

“WHAT?! And you didn’t tell me? Bro that’s awesome! Is she pretty? Does she go to our school? What’s she look like? Does she have any friends? Does she like volleyball?” 

His questions seemed never-ending, and Kenma had to suppress an eye roll every time he said ‘she’. He felt the sudden urge to kiss Kuroo right there, and scare off any of these girls Yamamoto was mentioning. 

One look at his boyfriend confirmed that was not a good idea though, as it seemed to be exactly what he wanted. Kenma scoffed and pulled out his PSP, content to play his game until whatever scheme Kuroo was doing played out. Didn’t make much of a difference to him at all. At the end of the day, Kuroo would still be there to make sure he ate or slept, to steer him when he almost ran into someone, to force him to play volleyball. 

That was a comforting thought. Except for the volleyball, of course. He shuddered at the thought of running laps again. Goddamn Lev and his tactless questions. Without Yaku god knows how many more it would’ve been. 

Yeah. Who liked volleyball anyways. 

'You do,' his brain whispered, sounding suspiciously like Kuroo. 'Try to fool me all you want, but I know how much you love it. It’s like the ultimate boss.'

Yeah. Definitely Kuroo. 

Man Kenma was whipped. 

At this revelation, he sighed, really just wanting to latch onto Kuroo and never let go. Goddamn school. Goddamn Yamamoto. Goddamn Kuroo and making me love him so much.

Stupid stupid stupid. Everyone said that when you got together the pining was supposed to end, not get worse! It was like a final boss that just wouldn’t die, like once he got the taste of heaven on his tongue, the feel of a warm body on his chest, that it was all he wanted forever. 

He wanted Kuroo forever. 

And he sighed again. Like a lovesick fucking schoolgirl. Yeah, he was pretty whipped. 

Speak of the devil, Kuroo’s eyes flicked over from where he was still goading their friend, and Kenma could see the question there, in the way his eyebrows bunched together slightly, and the way his eyes flicked from Kenma to the door and back. Are you okay? Do you want to go? And goddamn, if Kenma wasn’t already madly in love with him, then he would’ve been all over again. Swoon. 

So he gave a slight shake of his head, no matter how much he did want to leave, to hold his hand and kiss him. Small sacrifices to be made in the name of love. Kuroo didn’t want to leave yet, and so Kenma would stay for him. 

God, when did he become such a sap?

'Only for you,' the fake-Kuroo in his head crooned, and Kenma’s ears burned. 

“...Kenma. Kenma? Kenma! Earth to Kenma!”

Kenma snapped to attention, realizing that he may or may not have been staring at Kuroo for longer than was definitely acceptable in public. He wasn’t sure why they hadn’t told anyone yet, but they hadn’t, and so staring was a no-no. The flush stubbornly refused to cooperate, spreading from his ears to his cheeks. Great. He sure looked innocent now. 

To add insult to injury, he looked away guiltily, out of reflex. “Uh, yeah?” he mumbled, half into the collar of his team jacket. 

Yamamoto laughed loudly, a little too close for comfort, but Kenma didn’t really mind. He only hoped that Tora would keep being oblivious to the embarrassment he felt currently. 

And he was as oblivious as ever. Kuroo, however, was not, and Kenma could already hear the teasing he would get later. His mind began to wander again, and with such pleasant memories, how could it not? Kenma felt content, he could deal with this and-

“You want me to do what?” he heard himself say blankly, and he watched as Kuroo practically held back tears from laughing. 

And at this time, their other resident ball of energy had rolled up, eager to join in on the fun. “What do you want him to do?” Inuoka asked eagerly, and Kenma could just visualize him punching Kuroo’s face in, over and over because damn that stupid boy. 

“Well Kuroo’s got a girlfriend,” Yamamoto sang, drawing out the friend. The corners of Kenma’s lips tugged down. 

And of course, the questioning began anew, but it was just background noise to Kenma’s own thoughts. What the hell was he supposed to do now? Now that Kuroo had set him up for this torture of a thing, this hellfire- 

“And Kenma’s the only one who knows anything about it! You know, since they’re best friends! And Kuroo isn’t supposed to tell anyone anything, or she’ll get mad, but Kenma can, so we can ask him!” Yamamoto said triumphantly, pulling out the fist move he had picked up from Karasuno’s wing spiker last time they had a match. Kenma was honestly surprised he hadn’t started calling anyone city boy, at this point. 

There were more pressing matters at hand, though, then of Tora’s weirdness. Matters like the fact that Kuroo had tricked Kenma into revealing his own relationship through another person’s eyes??? If looks could kill, Tetsuro Kuroo would be ten feet under, and Kenma would be dancing on his grave. 

He had to remind himself not to smile as Kuroo dramatically shuddered and led Kenma away from his new tormentors. Damn Kuroo.


	2. No comment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is so short! It's mostly just a little filler before the last one, and I really just wanted to write this baby scene. Hope you enjoy :)

Kenma had been hoping that Taketora would at least wait until he was dressed to start questioning him about Kuroo’s ‘girlfriend’, but even that was a luxury he wasn’t allowed at this point. Goddamn his stupid boyfriend and his stupid ulterior motives. 

Speaking of his stupid boyfriend and his stupid ulterior motives, Kenma was about to kill a man. Contrary to popular belief, being plagued with questions about his boyfriend’s fake girlfriend for a week was not a pleasant experience. Especially when said boyfriend had claimed he wasn’t allowed to answer those questions, and so you were stuck being the only one interrogated. How Yamamoto still found the energy to care, what with the vague answers Kenma was giving him, he had no idea. 

So far, he had revealed that the ‘girlfriend’ played volleyball, went to their school, had long-ish hair, liked video games, and was a cat person. 

Yeah, he had no idea how Tora was this clueless. 

And still, he asked questions. As did Inuoka. And Lev. “Can I meet her? Have you met her? Is she a third-year?”

Kenma sighed in defeat, hoisting his bag on his shoulder. The locker room was too hot, too small for this. He felt sweaty, tired, annoyed, and a little sad. He wondered why Kuroo didn’t just tell them, if maybe he was embarrassed by Kenma. 

“They’re a second year,” Kenma said tiredly, stepping past them into the gym. It was colder here, but not by much. He needed to get out of here, to be outside. Kuroo was waiting to walk home with him, and they were gonna get pizzas and game all night. He seriously did not want to be having this conversation. 

And of course, the unthinkable happened. Lev had an intelligent thought. “Why do you always say they? Is it not a girl?” He cocked his head to the side, analyzing Kenma. 

He panicked and froze. How did he know? Was Kenma being too obvious? He didn’t want to out Kuroo, no matter how much he hated these stupid questions. He was his best friend first, and you couldn’t just out your friend like that! Distantly, he could hear Tora rapidly denying that with questions like “Are you crazy? Of course, she’s a girl! Kuroo isn’t gay!” 

This did not help Kenma’s anxiety. He felt blood in his mouth, most likely from biting his lip. How could he even respond? Lev was right, after all. He and Kuroo both referred to the ‘girlfriend’ as they, like their own private joke. Maybe he wouldn’t care if Kenma let it slip that he wasn’t dating a girl.

But, what if he did? A ping pong match played out in his head. 

Serve. 

What if he hates you?

Ping.

He won’t hate you. He loves you.

Pong.

But he’s never told anyone about us.

Ping.

Neither have you.

Pong. 

But nobody even knows he’s pan. This is like double outing him.

Ping. 

You know he won’t care. He’d probably love the fact that he can finally give you visible hickeys. 

Kenma snorted at the thought, his invisible ping pong match puttering out. Maybe Kuroo wouldn’t care. Maybe it would be okay. 

“No comment,” Kuroo said from the doorway, shooting Kenma a smile. 

“No comment?” Tora spluttered. “Is she a dude? Are you gay?”

Kuroo shrugged and grabbed Kenma. 

“What does that even mean?”

“It means your dating pool just grew times 2.”

Yeah, Kenma loved his boyfriend.


	3. He's mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mention of homophobia/hate crimes (I make a stupid joke about it and Kenma gets worried the team won't accept him, nothing too graphic.) Sorry if that humor offends anyone, but as a member of the LGBTQ+ community I often make those kinds of jokes as coping so here I am projecting on Kenma AGAIN.  
> Also there might be mentions of anxious feelings and anxiety, but it's just Kenma. Enjoy!

“Kenma!” Yamamoto called. 

“What?” Kenma grumbled. It had been a long practice, and he wondered if Tora purposely cornered him whenever he was in a bad mood. 

“I was just wondering how long he has known Kuroo?” Tora asked.

“He’s known Kuroo for a while now,” Kenma said. And maybe it was because he was distracted, or maybe it was because he was tired, or maybe it was because he subconsciously just wanted to tell the truth, but he didn’t even notice his slip up until it was too late.

“AHA! So it is a dude!” Kenma froze, hands tensing around his water bottle. Shit shit shit shit. He should’ve been prepared. Taketora was loud, but he wasn’t stupid. It was typical of him to pull some tricky shit like that. 

‘Well, we are cats’ he thought wryly, and then cursed himself for the terribly sappy thought. He definitely had been hanging around Kuroo too much. 

Maybe he wouldn’t want to hang around him anymore if this went south. 

Kenma panicked, and frantically tried to play dumb, to put the words back in his mouth. “He who? Sorry I wasn’t paying attention.” 

At least they knew the rest of the team weren’t homophobes. Oh god, but what if they were and didn’t tell anyone? Kenma seriously didn’t want to get hate crimed. That would be super embarrassing. 

“Aw Kenma don’t play dumb. I know Kuroo has a boyfriend now. So hmm, how to find out who he is.” 

Ah shit. Shit shit shit. Kenma knew that he had told Tora that the boyfriend went to Nekoma high and that he played volleyball, so his only possible next conclusion could be-

“Holy fuck. He’s on the team.”

Kenma’s heart dropped into his feet. He searched the room for Kuroo, hoping beyond hopes he would step in. 

And he found Kuroo. But he was not making any move to step in. Not even close. No, this fucking menace was wearing the biggest smile he had ever seen, second only to when Kenma kissed him.

Actually, smile probably wasn’t the best word. More like a sinister grin. Like he was an evil mastermind and everything was going according to plan. Kenma was caught between wanting to roll his eyes, laugh, or kiss him senseless. Maybe thank him for being so calm about this, so normal. 

It was nice that he was so calm and stable about this. At least one of them was. But then Kuroo always had been his rock, his stability. He once again was hit with the longing to kiss him again again, to hold him close and never let him go. Never let him graduate and leave. 

That was selfish. He had long ago promised not to be selfish. So he would just take what he could get, take these special moments of new normal. 

Maybe everything would be okay. 

Kuroo met his eyes and tilted his head, the question there, as it always was. They always knew where to find each other, what they needed. And he knew, of course he knew, that Kenma would be uncomfortable with what happened next. ‘You okay?’ his eyes asked, and he knew that no matter how much fun Kuroo was having, that he would stop it all just to make him okay with what was transpiring. 

So he smiled, only half there, but still the most public display of emotion he had shown towards Kuroo ever. ‘Just for you’ he tried to say. It didn’t matter that they were in public, the smile was just for him. 

He smiled back, no longer looking like an evil mastermind, just looking like the same Kuroo he always was. Kenma’s Kuroo, the one he had known since forever, the one who had made this life for him. 

And Kenma wasn’t scared. They’d face whatever came next together. 

“So the boyfriend is on our team, likes video games, has long hair, has known Kuroo for a long time, and is a cat person? I wonder who it could be…” 

“Oh my god,” Yaku said, and Kenma was sure he had never seen his teammate so pale. 

“You? You and him? You?” Kai gestured to Kenma, and all eyes were on him. 

He shrugged. “Yeah.”

“Kenma?” Inuoka shouted, jumping in the air. “Your girlfriend is Kenma?”  
A chorus of voices greeted him, and all he could do was stare at Kuroo. 

He really was beautiful, Kenma thought, cocking his head to the left as he observed him. Like a cat, Kuroo would say. Although he wasn’t sure cats watched humans like this, noticed the way a trail of sweat dripped just onto his collarbone or noticed the way if he shifted just so, you could see both of his pretty eyes under that stupid mop of hair. 

“Yeah. Kenma’s mine,” Kuroo smiled, winking at Kenma, and all was right with the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH so I've finally finished this little blurb. Yay! Thanks to all for the amazing comments and kudos, truly means a lot as this is my first work on here. I really wanted to stay in character, which was why it took so long because I am virtually nothing like Kenma :/ I def got ooc at the end there but I will die by that line idc idc. Anyways, sorry for being an incredible sap and thank you all SO much for coming along for the ride! :D

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if anyone is a bit ooc it's my first work and I'm not entirely sure how to write some of the nekoma boys. Might include other ships and characters as it goes on. Probably only going to be around 4 or 5 parts long. Pure self-indulgence.


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